Parental Ramblings

We all have selfish needs as parents sometimes, as much as we hate to admit it; we crave things that are solely adult.

The selfish nature of the mother with her head deep in a bucket of chocolate ice cream is no different than the couple who locks the bedroom door, or the woman who steps outside & smokes cigarettes eight times a day, or the father who'd rather have many nights "with the guys" instead of tucking rugrats in. Yes, even the computer geeks who play endless games in front of a screen, the bookworms who get sucked into pages upon pages of tales, the movie-goers who let sitters pay hide & seek and Candyland with their children, who, all the while … are just standing in the shadows making statements like my Alex, who said, "Mama? I wish I could make a metal machine that could make a copy machine that could make a copy of you, so that you could have more time to play with me." (8/16/2008: Or Kaitlyn, who pleads with me before her nap, "Mommy can you sing sunshine?" and when I hesitate – because there is always so much to do – "I've been a good girl.") We are all selfish, but so are our children, who want all of us, all the time. We must find the solution in temperance, and above all, putting our children's needs (though not always their wants) first.

MdC

Our Freedoms

Beautiful and sacred, shining as a beacon for all those who live in Darkness,

Our Freedoms store hope and potential, never-ending optimism, in the power of the human spirit and its conscionable nature.

Sometimes Our Freedoms are not understood, are debated at length, or are used against us.

We can counter-react with excessive violence or extreme bleeding-heart liberalism, but neither seems to bring us closer to Our Truth:

We hold Our Freedoms to be self-evident,

Created from the moment of our birth, along with the first breath that is granted to us in this World …

We stand in a common human condition, unaccountable to each other in regard to our private decisions, individual desires and regrets, and fortress of our property,

Excepting only the sacred realm of life and property, that which is undeniably ours, which we have endowed the State to protect on our behalf.

When Our Freedoms are dampened by debate, misunderstanding, or vulnerability in their design,

We must not falter, we must not cave into the desire to control everything, but we MUST shine the bright white light of Our Freedoms and Our Tolerance,

So that Others may come to lift themselves out of Their Darkness.

No Web

Everyone wants to hear you’re fine, and no one really wants to know.

If your web is non-existent, you have nowhere else to go.

“Ombutzman” is an odd-sounding word, it comes from the mouths of teachers who haven’t really learned

            A lot

                        About the harshness of the world emanating from their mouths,

                                    Either.

It is not that there is not always someone who has suffered

            Somewhat

                        And sometimes

                                    VERY MUCH                                                            WORSE,

It’s just that it can be a very cold place when there is little warmth in it for you.

Mdc

I Am an American

I am NOT Irish-American or Native-American or African American;

I am AMERICAN.

I am not black, white, red or orange;

I am actually a unique olive-tan.

I am a unique and special AMERICAN.

I refuse to separate myself from my friends, brothers, sisters, and idols;

WE ARE ALL AMERICANS.

Not Sure Yet ...

I think that I've given too much of myself, where less was wanted

Held back too much, when I could've been the best

Regretted too much, when guilt got me nowhere

And lost too much, left standing in fear.

Pain is an empty concept.

It is surreal, utterly unavoidable, and easily pushed under the surface.

Pleasure is empty as well –

Lust without passion, vice without virtue, and easily led astray.

Perhaps the most abstract of concepts is Love.

Giving of oneself so completely that one feels lost…

And being left, breathless…with NOTHING else to say.

;-P

Tantalizing trinkets of affection tempt my thoughts

     Penetrating and inserting little monsters of hope

Tear it away, shield no more

     My desire overwhelms and suffocates

Elm trees by day

     Rugged oaks by night

Spring enhancing foolish delight

     In the release of winter's maddening embrace

Stop to stare at intense eyes

     Do you wonder where the safety ends?

Dropping my cloak on a shore at midnight

     I stand nude amongst the swirling mysteries of the sea and its dance with the wind

Only then do I drop all pretense

     and stare ...

When I am oblivious to fear and pain is unfathomable

     can I stare back ...

Stare at me and see a mirror image of yourself

     Reflections of raging passions and darkened dreams

Tainted with mountainous expectations

     And colored with the pure blue-grey of stone walls

Kissed by the wind, with lavender in my hair

     Lying on soft moss that caresses my back

Only then ...

    Can I Dream, and Surrender, and Stare Back at Truth. 

Mdawn

Hidden Insanity

Where have my moments gone? 

     Precious and idealistic

         Surviving on silken threads of "impossible dreams"

               Forming a silvery web that glistens as the moonlight shines on my face.

Intertwining with Destiny, my Dreams lead me onward to an Abyss.

     Self-realization engulfs my Innocent eyes and porcelain doll stares Emerge

          My Soul hides within and Waits for the moment of Truth.

From your mouths Emanate

     The Fears of Childhood,

     The Cries of Nations, &

      The Upheaval of Conformity

Terrorized by the Noises, my mind searches for Escape in the Realities of Others.

     Others who can never Comprehend my Reality

          Others who can never See the Perspective of the Stars

               Or the Whisperings of all of Nature ...

     OTHERS that will never Feel the Passions deep-seated in my Realm of Emotion.

My Wishes are only Mine

     My Visions you'll never See

My Passions take Patience to Unfold

     But my Time is always Free

And my Love? 

     Unconditional and Forever, in this World it has to Hide.

Mdawn

Spiral of Sleep

The moon rises and waits for the sun to catch up

     Shimmering, bursting rays - kaleidoscope of colors before my eyes

Pink lemonade, tongue-cooling freak of nature

     Lightening in my fingertips - cloudy grey eyes with a sky of blue outside

White-rimmed tires of uneasy destiny

     And I piss you off again - reason still virtually unexplored

Territorial gestures amuse the fancies of others while we howl and lunge for each others' throats.

Cannot stop the conniving

     Never can halt they lying and snap-deciding

Going off half-baked ideas

     Notions of higher times - my highest realm was within myself

And enter in, I did dare to dwell

     On the kind of luxurious hell that haunts me as I seek to tell my story

And misty red-eyed is this dilated vision of mine

And so do the brambles love to intertwine

     With my absent mind - that rambles on inside me

SNAP KRACKLE POP - PING SLAM BOOM

     Go to sleep now - I pray thee slumber well.

For I will await the darkness alone - Until the black night engulfs me

     And I transform into something wholly pure, beautiful, mystical, kind and intuitive

Transformation into myself.

Mdawn

Pandora's Legacy

My birthday is tomorrow, and it is warm outside, but there is a slight chill in the air

     (ONLY Boone, in APRIL) ...

And I want to kiss your hand ... HAND?

     You heard what I said ... your hand!

Soft and oh so strong, rippling with tender but abrasive movements

     And my 19th birthday is tomorrow

I cannot wait to grow older ...

     I just want to be wiser and softer and nicer and

BETTER.

Who am I?  I don't know.

     Toss a coin - maybe it'll offer you a glimpse

Sneak a peek at my soul and decide for yourself.

     My whirlwind of thoughts will rush at your heart ...

But you cannot give me reason enough to send your waves

     On the course of the ocean I sail

Away on a grassy plain, my long lost Mother cries for me

     Her name is Night or another label perhaps better known in your mind

One of the legendary goddesses ...

     And she hides not, fears not, bruises not, angers not and loves

Not inside the room will you find yourself

     But outside in the breezes and the setting sun

But tomorrow's my 19th birthday ...

     Mother - what will you give me?

     Father - what wish shall you grant me?

     Daddy - how long can you bear me?

     Mama - how long can you exist without me?

Tears in my eyes for those who can find no comfort in the wind -

     The breeze dry them and lift my hair and spirits all at once

The nighttime cleanses my heart

     And brings a longing of unknown proportions

To the depths of my innocence ...

     Do ya have some, girl?  YES I DO.

I have it locked in a treasure chest, wood inlaid with gold

     My Pandora's Box of whims and ideals and beauty

INNOCENCE - HA!  Yes I am. 

     I cannot turn back time, but I can become new and unique and me.

I am not an afterthought, but I am irreversible and irreverent and restless.

     But I can come back

My inheritance is of greater worth than the mortal mind can conceive

     But in order to gain it, my parents need not die -

Only determine my readiness - My death will not occur in your lifetimes

My 19th birthday is tomorrow ...

     Time is relative

          to WHO you are

          WHAT you are &

          WHERE you come from.

My goblet is destined to rest upon the lips of the immortal

     And He who drinks WILL be satisfied

And, even in my humble state,

     I can offer so much more that you'll ever be aware.

But my 19th birthday is tomorrow, and

     ALL I WANT is "hugs". 

Mdawn