Wednesday, August 16, 1995

Tournament - For Aunt Alice

I know this woman who knows the secret of life
     "Love and be loved," she says ...

Without commitment, no worries, no fears ...
I hope she never forgets - I will always remember her.

The mother who never knew would cry
The father who left - be proud of what I have become.

Take care of me - don't let me weep
I need you to be okay.

Help me to understand the pain.
Death is a release - life is just a tournament.


Thursday, June 15, 1995

Diary of My Days

Little blue book

Opening to my touch
               need you so much

Shh ... it's a secret
               but my head must crack
for a minute or two

I turn to you
               You understand
                              don't say a word

Writing with a fever

               and I don't know

WHY?  You won't tell
               I understand myself
My private little hell inside
               a book
it dwells day by day
               my thoughts collapse on a pen
Jumbled and careless
               THEY FALL

But then my book sweeps them up with her worn fingers
               And reminds me of

A Grandparent I never knew
A father I never had
               A mother that left
A brother's death
               A sister - CAME CLOSE
A love - will it last? 
My DIARY knows.


Friday, January 27, 1995

Hypocritical Worth

I can't tell all about it

Just yet I've discovered my place

Far behind in the woods

An echo restless calls

               I can't stand when
I'm weary

               Can't hunger when
I don't care about substance

Lingering visions of more important tears

Not for me             but her
               The one that can't speak

She's locked in a little place
               Never been given water
                              can't grow
Mindless AND conniving
               But really just a child

Interior blues don't fade
               like my eyes with my moods

               The stones aren't set
The time passes

                              BUT SLOWLY

               daughter of misery
Do you want to play?

                              GO AWAY

                                             come back

I can't help but misunderstand
               When that's all that anyone's ever done.

               don't know how to be "just right"

Just my mama's excuse
everyone else's "not quite good enough."