Saturday, March 30, 1996

Hide & Seek

Help me hold me UNDERSTAND me

ME me me me me me – where is she: the girl inside my soul?
Been locked up forever
                Clawing her way out with blood red fingernails & pigtails in her hair.

My hair is getting longer
                Hormones are taking over my body & so is something
                That I do not quite understand…

ME me me me me me – lost inside a turbulent wave
Don’t hurt me or haunt me

I’m seeking out my place once more (although I’m always afraid)
                & now I’m more SCARED…
Where is the pinnacle of light?  I seek it out.
                I wish it was in my pillowcase (in case I want to hide my head once more)
Ostrich … sand-loving star-dweller.

Inside out & outside in
                Falling down into the mountain again
I need a little something (maybe very big)

Yes, I do.  I wish I was who I long to be
                & I am not who I really am except for with a few
I love the fog – hides my face from the bright lights that search & burn

And Nighttime is my friend (of a sort) –
                She greets me with open arms & I cannot turn away
My mother, the Night, with a loving embrace
                Wipes away the tears that collect on my face.
My father, the Wind, sometimes here & sometimes gone
                With Intellect but undetermined (wretch of Fate)
I wish that my mother & father would have empowered me with more magic –
                The Wind will stop for me & Nighttime chase my fears away.
I can see better in the dark
                I love to hurl gusts at people (passers-by)
Leaves waving to me as I go by…
And inside my soul – the little girl roams free
                Chasing the butterflies

I want to disappear into my hiding place again –
                So EASY so SECURE
My soul is my friend in this SCARY world
                & I wish I was the little girl I used to be.
Thing taken/Can they be restored?
                Maybe one day They will find me.