Wednesday, May 1, 1996

Spiral of Sleep

The moon rises and waits for the sun to catch up
     Shimmering, bursting rays - kaleidoscope of colors before my eyes
Pink lemonade, tongue-cooling freak of nature
     Lightening in my fingertips - cloudy grey eyes with a sky of blue outside
White-rimmed tires of uneasy destiny
     And I piss you off again - reason still virtually unexplored
Territorial gestures amuse the fancies of others while we howl and lunge for each others' throats.

Cannot stop the conniving
     Never can halt they lying and snap-deciding
Going off half-baked ideas
     Notions of higher times - my highest realm was within myself
And enter in, I did dare to dwell
     On the kind of luxurious hell that haunts me as I seek to tell my story
And misty red-eyed is this dilated vision of mine

And so do the brambles love to intertwine
     With my absent mind - that rambles on inside me
     Go to sleep now - I pray thee slumber well.
For I will await the darkness alone - Until the black night engulfs me
     And I transform into something wholly pure, beautiful, mystical, kind and intuitive
Transformation into myself.


Thursday, April 18, 1996

Pandora's Legacy

My birthday is tomorrow, and it is warm outside, but there is a slight chill in the air
     (ONLY Boone, in APRIL) ...
And I want to kiss your hand ... HAND?
     You heard what I said ... your hand!
Soft and oh so strong, rippling with tender but abrasive movements
     And my 19th birthday is tomorrow

I cannot wait to grow older ...
     I just want to be wiser and softer and nicer and

Who am I?  I don't know.
     Toss a coin - maybe it'll offer you a glimpse
Sneak a peek at my soul and decide for yourself.
     My whirlwind of thoughts will rush at your heart ...
But you cannot give me reason enough to send your waves
     On the course of the ocean I sail

Away on a grassy plain, my long lost Mother cries for me
     Her name is Night or another label perhaps better known in your mind
One of the legendary goddesses ...
     And she hides not, fears not, bruises not, angers not and loves
Not inside the room will you find yourself
     But outside in the breezes and the setting sun

But tomorrow's my 19th birthday ...
     Mother - what will you give me?
     Father - what wish shall you grant me?
     Daddy - how long can you bear me?
     Mama - how long can you exist without me?

Tears in my eyes for those who can find no comfort in the wind -
     The breeze dry them and lift my hair and spirits all at once
The nighttime cleanses my heart
     And brings a longing of unknown proportions
To the depths of my innocence ...
     Do ya have some, girl?  YES I DO.

I have it locked in a treasure chest, wood inlaid with gold
     My Pandora's Box of whims and ideals and beauty
INNOCENCE - HA!  Yes I am. 
     I cannot turn back time, but I can become new and unique and me.
I am not an afterthought, but I am irreversible and irreverent and restless.
     But I can come back

My inheritance is of greater worth than the mortal mind can conceive
     But in order to gain it, my parents need not die -
Only determine my readiness - My death will not occur in your lifetimes

My 19th birthday is tomorrow ...
     Time is relative
          to WHO you are
          WHAT you are &
          WHERE you come from.

My goblet is destined to rest upon the lips of the immortal
     And He who drinks WILL be satisfied
And, even in my humble state,
     I can offer so much more that you'll ever be aware.
But my 19th birthday is tomorrow, and
     ALL I WANT is "hugs". 


Divine Memory

Make your place within this world
     And find your memory warehouse
Mine is in the ocean in the crashing waves and gentle breezes
     Misty, non-habitual, falling trees
Jack and Jill of unfortunate device ...

     First with your fist - then your presence
And your voice - so sad
     I am not guilty of this, either ...
Don't put the blame where it is not welcome.

Cry your eyes out
     And then maybe you can see the truth
I have been too battered to forgive for the moment
     Too scared to ever forget
Let me get on with my HAUNTINGS ...

Spells - MAGIC - my life - my soul
     Enriched with the golden blood of older times
My ancient wisdom tries to grasp not striking DOWN
     That which I can so easily destroy
Mercy of one who could crush is hard-pressed to annihilate ...

My ghost-like presence will not give you fear
     Because you will drown in your own sorrow soon enough
My efforts need not be used.
     So when the night whispers your name - be afraid ...

And when ceaseless wind howls and roars in your hollow, ringing ears ...
     Cry for what you have lost -
For you have lost so very much.


Saturday, March 30, 1996

Hide & Seek

Help me hold me UNDERSTAND me

ME me me me me me – where is she: the girl inside my soul?
Been locked up forever
                Clawing her way out with blood red fingernails & pigtails in her hair.

My hair is getting longer
                Hormones are taking over my body & so is something
                That I do not quite understand…

ME me me me me me – lost inside a turbulent wave
Don’t hurt me or haunt me

I’m seeking out my place once more (although I’m always afraid)
                & now I’m more SCARED…
Where is the pinnacle of light?  I seek it out.
                I wish it was in my pillowcase (in case I want to hide my head once more)
Ostrich … sand-loving star-dweller.

Inside out & outside in
                Falling down into the mountain again
I need a little something (maybe very big)

Yes, I do.  I wish I was who I long to be
                & I am not who I really am except for with a few
I love the fog – hides my face from the bright lights that search & burn

And Nighttime is my friend (of a sort) –
                She greets me with open arms & I cannot turn away
My mother, the Night, with a loving embrace
                Wipes away the tears that collect on my face.
My father, the Wind, sometimes here & sometimes gone
                With Intellect but undetermined (wretch of Fate)
I wish that my mother & father would have empowered me with more magic –
                The Wind will stop for me & Nighttime chase my fears away.
I can see better in the dark
                I love to hurl gusts at people (passers-by)
Leaves waving to me as I go by…
And inside my soul – the little girl roams free
                Chasing the butterflies

I want to disappear into my hiding place again –
                So EASY so SECURE
My soul is my friend in this SCARY world
                & I wish I was the little girl I used to be.
Thing taken/Can they be restored?
                Maybe one day They will find me.