;-P

Tantalizing trinkets of affection tempt my thoughts

     Penetrating and inserting little monsters of hope

Tear it away, shield no more

     My desire overwhelms and suffocates

Elm trees by day

     Rugged oaks by night

Spring enhancing foolish delight

     In the release of winter's maddening embrace

Stop to stare at intense eyes

     Do you wonder where the safety ends?

Dropping my cloak on a shore at midnight

     I stand nude amongst the swirling mysteries of the sea and its dance with the wind

Only then do I drop all pretense

     and stare ...

When I am oblivious to fear and pain is unfathomable

     can I stare back ...

Stare at me and see a mirror image of yourself

     Reflections of raging passions and darkened dreams

Tainted with mountainous expectations

     And colored with the pure blue-grey of stone walls

Kissed by the wind, with lavender in my hair

     Lying on soft moss that caresses my back

Only then ...

    Can I Dream, and Surrender, and Stare Back at Truth. 

Mdawn

Hidden Insanity

Where have my moments gone? 

     Precious and idealistic

         Surviving on silken threads of "impossible dreams"

               Forming a silvery web that glistens as the moonlight shines on my face.

Intertwining with Destiny, my Dreams lead me onward to an Abyss.

     Self-realization engulfs my Innocent eyes and porcelain doll stares Emerge

          My Soul hides within and Waits for the moment of Truth.

From your mouths Emanate

     The Fears of Childhood,

     The Cries of Nations, &

      The Upheaval of Conformity

Terrorized by the Noises, my mind searches for Escape in the Realities of Others.

     Others who can never Comprehend my Reality

          Others who can never See the Perspective of the Stars

               Or the Whisperings of all of Nature ...

     OTHERS that will never Feel the Passions deep-seated in my Realm of Emotion.

My Wishes are only Mine

     My Visions you'll never See

My Passions take Patience to Unfold

     But my Time is always Free

And my Love? 

     Unconditional and Forever, in this World it has to Hide.

Mdawn

Spiral of Sleep

The moon rises and waits for the sun to catch up

     Shimmering, bursting rays - kaleidoscope of colors before my eyes

Pink lemonade, tongue-cooling freak of nature

     Lightening in my fingertips - cloudy grey eyes with a sky of blue outside

White-rimmed tires of uneasy destiny

     And I piss you off again - reason still virtually unexplored

Territorial gestures amuse the fancies of others while we howl and lunge for each others' throats.

Cannot stop the conniving

     Never can halt they lying and snap-deciding

Going off half-baked ideas

     Notions of higher times - my highest realm was within myself

And enter in, I did dare to dwell

     On the kind of luxurious hell that haunts me as I seek to tell my story

And misty red-eyed is this dilated vision of mine

And so do the brambles love to intertwine

     With my absent mind - that rambles on inside me

SNAP KRACKLE POP - PING SLAM BOOM

     Go to sleep now - I pray thee slumber well.

For I will await the darkness alone - Until the black night engulfs me

     And I transform into something wholly pure, beautiful, mystical, kind and intuitive

Transformation into myself.

Mdawn

Pandora's Legacy

My birthday is tomorrow, and it is warm outside, but there is a slight chill in the air

     (ONLY Boone, in APRIL) ...

And I want to kiss your hand ... HAND?

     You heard what I said ... your hand!

Soft and oh so strong, rippling with tender but abrasive movements

     And my 19th birthday is tomorrow

I cannot wait to grow older ...

     I just want to be wiser and softer and nicer and

BETTER.

Who am I?  I don't know.

     Toss a coin - maybe it'll offer you a glimpse

Sneak a peek at my soul and decide for yourself.

     My whirlwind of thoughts will rush at your heart ...

But you cannot give me reason enough to send your waves

     On the course of the ocean I sail

Away on a grassy plain, my long lost Mother cries for me

     Her name is Night or another label perhaps better known in your mind

One of the legendary goddesses ...

     And she hides not, fears not, bruises not, angers not and loves

Not inside the room will you find yourself

     But outside in the breezes and the setting sun

But tomorrow's my 19th birthday ...

     Mother - what will you give me?

     Father - what wish shall you grant me?

     Daddy - how long can you bear me?

     Mama - how long can you exist without me?

Tears in my eyes for those who can find no comfort in the wind -

     The breeze dry them and lift my hair and spirits all at once

The nighttime cleanses my heart

     And brings a longing of unknown proportions

To the depths of my innocence ...

     Do ya have some, girl?  YES I DO.

I have it locked in a treasure chest, wood inlaid with gold

     My Pandora's Box of whims and ideals and beauty

INNOCENCE - HA!  Yes I am. 

     I cannot turn back time, but I can become new and unique and me.

I am not an afterthought, but I am irreversible and irreverent and restless.

     But I can come back

My inheritance is of greater worth than the mortal mind can conceive

     But in order to gain it, my parents need not die -

Only determine my readiness - My death will not occur in your lifetimes

My 19th birthday is tomorrow ...

     Time is relative

          to WHO you are

          WHAT you are &

          WHERE you come from.

My goblet is destined to rest upon the lips of the immortal

     And He who drinks WILL be satisfied

And, even in my humble state,

     I can offer so much more that you'll ever be aware.

But my 19th birthday is tomorrow, and

     ALL I WANT is "hugs". 

Mdawn

Divine Memory

Make your place within this world

     And find your memory warehouse

Mine is in the ocean in the crashing waves and gentle breezes

     Misty, non-habitual, falling trees

Jack and Jill of unfortunate device ...

STOP CHASING ME

     First with your fist - then your presence

And your voice - so sad

     I am not guilty of this, either ...

Don't put the blame where it is not welcome.

Cry your eyes out

     And then maybe you can see the truth

I have been too battered to forgive for the moment

     Too scared to ever forget

Let me get on with my HAUNTINGS ...

Spells - MAGIC - my life - my soul

     Enriched with the golden blood of older times

My ancient wisdom tries to grasp not striking DOWN

     That which I can so easily destroy

Mercy of one who could crush is hard-pressed to annihilate ...

My ghost-like presence will not give you fear

     Because you will drown in your own sorrow soon enough

My efforts need not be used.

     So when the night whispers your name - be afraid ...

Be VERY AFRAID ...

And when ceaseless wind howls and roars in your hollow, ringing ears ...

     Cry for what you have lost -

For you have lost so very much.

Mdawn

Hide & Seek

Help me hold me UNDERSTAND me

ME me me me me me – where is she: the girl inside my soul?

Been locked up forever

                Clawing her way out with blood red fingernails & pigtails in her hair.

My hair is getting longer

                Hormones are taking over my body & so is something

                That I do not quite understand…

ME me me me me me – lost inside a turbulent wave

Don’t hurt me or haunt me

I’m seeking out my place once more (although I’m always afraid)

                & now I’m more SCARED…

Where is the pinnacle of light?  I seek it out.

                I wish it was in my pillowcase (in case I want to hide my head once more)

Ostrich … sand-loving star-dweller.

Inside out & outside in

                Falling down into the mountain again

I need a little something (maybe very big)

Yes, I do.  I wish I was who I long to be

                & I am not who I really am except for with a few

I love the fog – hides my face from the bright lights that search & burn

And Nighttime is my friend (of a sort) –

                She greets me with open arms & I cannot turn away

My mother, the Night, with a loving embrace

                Wipes away the tears that collect on my face.

My father, the Wind, sometimes here & sometimes gone

                With Intellect but undetermined (wretch of Fate)

I wish that my mother & father would have empowered me with more magic –

                The Wind will stop for me & Nighttime chase my fears away.

I can see better in the dark

                I love to hurl gusts at people (passers-by)

Leaves waving to me as I go by…

And inside my soul – the little girl roams free

                Chasing the butterflies

I want to disappear into my hiding place again –

                So EASY so SECURE

My soul is my friend in this SCARY world

                & I wish I was the little girl I used to be.

Thing taken/Can they be restored?

                Maybe one day They will find me.

Mdawn 

Tournament - For Aunt Alice

I know this woman who knows the secret of life

     "Love and be loved," she says ...

Without commitment, no worries, no fears ...

I hope she never forgets - I will always remember her.

The mother who never knew would cry

The father who left - be proud of what I have become.

Take care of me - don't let me weep

I need you to be okay.

Help me to understand the pain.

Death is a release - life is just a tournament.

Mdawn

Diary of My Days

Little blue book

Opening to my touch

               need you so much

Shh ... it's a secret

               but my head must crack

for a minute or two

I turn to you

               You understand

                              don't say a word

Writing with a fever

               and I don't know

WHY?  You won't tell

               I understand myself

My private little hell inside

               a book

it dwells day by day

               my thoughts collapse on a pen

Jumbled and careless

               THEY FALL

But then my book sweeps them up with her worn fingers

               And reminds me of

A Grandparent I never knew

A father I never had

               A mother that left

A brother's death

               A sister - CAME CLOSE

A love - will it last? 

My DIARY knows.

Mdawn

Hypocritical Worth

I can't tell all about it

Just yet I've discovered my place

Far behind in the woods

An echo restless calls

               I can't stand when

I'm weary

               Can't hunger when

I don't care about substance

Lingering visions of more important tears

Not for me             but her

               The one that can't speak

She's locked in a little place

               Never been given water

                              can't grow

Mindless AND conniving

               But really just a child

Interior blues don't fade

               like my eyes with my moods

               The stones aren't set

The time passes

                              BUT SLOWLY

               daughter of misery

Do you want to play?

                              GO AWAY

                                             come back

I can't help but misunderstand

               When that's all that anyone's ever done.

               don't know how to be "just right"

Just my mama's excuse

               &

everyone else's "not quite good enough."